We’ve Temporarily Moved

Thanks for visiting.  Please check us out at www.lifeabitsweeter.blogspot.com as we focus on our adoption of a baby girl.

See ya over there!

Michelle

Robbing Peter to Pay Paul…say what?

With my husband’s permission, I’m going to begin blogging about finances and our journey in discovering and redefining how we use money in our life.  I grew up in a household where my parents tried to get us ‘everything’ we wanted.  My dad (my uncle who raised me) worked very hard and has an entrepreneur’s heart.  My mom (my aunt who raised me) used most of her time to chauffeur us to our school concerts, music lessons, sports, and church events.  This is one of the ways she showed her love.  My dad, the way he showed his love was by providing for us.  He worked often and tried to provide the financial resources so that we could have all the material things, sports activities, and musical lessons we could ever want.  However, probably what we really wanted from him was his time (but that’s a whole ‘nother blog entry).  Despite it all, I know they gave the best that they knew how to give and I appreciate them for it.

In their giving, our parents often gave us many things that they truly didn’t have the money to afford but they’d shift or do what ol’ folks say ‘rob Peter to pay Paul’ (to borrow against money from something or someone else in order to give to something or someone else the money that is owed.) Their intentions were good but it sometimes got us into tight/unnecessary situations that as children we were totally oblivious.  At the same time, I grew to know who bill collectors were and what to do when they called….don’t pick up!  LOL…but yes, I know it’s really not a laughing matter but I LOL because I know I’m not the only one out there who knows/knew about that at one point in their life.  (Holla if you hear me!!!)

So as I have become a parent, I’ve noticed that some of what I learned as a child unconsciously begins to repeat itself in my parenting habits.  I really do like to give my boys everything, well just about everything that they want.  After all, I say to myself, they really are good boys.  They are very well-behaved (and I’m not just saying that because I’m their mom…I’m actually saying that because we’ve had other kids at our house…and Lord, have mercy!!!)

Just as many of you may have been affected by the economic crunch and tightening up your wallet, we are no different.  Circumstances have pushed us in the past month to speak with a financial professional to get guidance.  Things were feeling tight and we wanted some help.  I felt that we were at a deficit in our budget every month instead of a surplus.  When we met with the financial planner, she disagreed with me based on the budget that we presented.  She felt we were at a $500+ surplus every month instead of a deficit.  I knew she didn’t know what she was talking about because I couldn’t account for this surplus she kept mentioning.  So to prove her wrong, I took this challenge.  She asked me to pull my bank statements and really look at the numbers.  Since I’m an organizer, I decided to do one better.  Because we use our debit cards for everything, I decided to pull into a spreadsheet every transaction that hit our account for the month of August.  I tallied each category and at the end of my tallying I was absolutely BLOWN AWAY with what we spent on two categories:  Eating Out & Groceries ($1200 for the month of August for a family of 4….say what?!?!) .  I couldn’t believe it but the numbers don’t lie.  I saw it with my very own eyes.  Two adults with two debit cards to one account.  $15 here at McDonalds, $5 here at Jerry’s Pizza, $6 at Qdoba, $4 at Starbucks, $3 at 7-Eleven, $145 at Shopper’s Food Warehouse, $125 at Sam’s Club, need I go on!!!  There are so many factors that go into the HOW DID THIS HAPPEN but the number one reason, I believe, is lack of discipline which can be an overarching theme in other areas of my life (exercise, making the kids go to bed at their set time, achieving personal/professional goals, etc.).  So what goes through my mind when I know I have a boat load of groceries in the house but I still want to stop by Starbucks in the morning or I want to stop by McDonald’s to get the kids dinner because I’m too tired to cook…the thought that reigns is that I’m entitled to a little treat. I mean I work hard EVERYDAY at home and work so it’s okay right?  Not necessarily.  These slow, unplanned leaks of cash in our bank account are just like a dripping faucet in your bathroom.  It seems like a slow, small leak until you get your water bill and see that the slow, consistent, small leak has increased your water bill by $100 – $200.

So because I’m a planner, I dug out some tools I learned (but had not yet implemented in a disciplined way) and got to crackin’!  I’ll share them with you over the next few weeks.  It’s going to be tough but I believe now is the time for change.

What about you?  What are the slow leaks or small compromises in your life that are preventing you from having the best life that has been created for you in your finances, health, relationships, or career?

I Am Afraid…I Mean Really Afraid…I Mean Like Terrified

So what is it that has me so anxious???  I mean I’m a woman who loves a good challenge but there are a few things on my list that I venture not to do but now, I mean RIGHT NOW, I’ve decided that before my 34th birthday on October 4th, I have to have a confrontation.  I’ve been really avoiding this.  My husband knows her REALLY well and I’ve heard my husband call her ‘Baby’.  She’s cute, petite, and has an olive complexion.  She lives a little too close to me for comfort.  So who is she????   Before ‘my girls’ pull out their Vaseline, put on their sneakers, and take off their hoop earrings (the sign that girls ‘around the way’ are getting ready for a fight), rest assured that this ‘girl’ is not out for my husband.  This ‘girl’ is the little Mazda MX6 that’s parked in my garage.  I’m afraid of driving a stick shift and have decided that I must confront this fear.

Those of you who know how to drive a stick are probably saying, “What are you afraid of?  It’s just a car!”  Well, I am indeed afraid of doing this.  I’ve built up in my mind that I’ll roll back on a hill or that I’ll give it too much or too little gas on the accelerator and the car will stop with a bunch of cars behind me or I’ll be hit by another car trying to make a left turn as my car cuts off.  I know these thoughts may seem a little ‘EXTREME’ but they are MY fears.  Because I know that allowing fear to hold me captive is not God’s best for my life, I’ve really got to shake this thing.

So let’s see how things go.  Today is Day One.  I’m not sure what step I’ll take today to move closer to conquering this fear…perhaps just blogging about it today and being honest is Step One.  After all, even in a Twelve Step program, I think the first step is to admit you have a problem.  So here I am, admitting that this 5′ 5″, 33 year old woman has a problem….with a car.

Got any advice?

She's cute...but I don't know.....

Gettin’ Somethin’ for Nothing…Well “Almost” Nothin’

So today, I was inspired to a challenge after reading one of my absolute favorite bloggers — (Whittaker Woman)  Reading the blog of this mom of 3 will often times have me crackin’ up in hysteria and then another moment with a face full of tears…and don’t tell my husband I told you but reading the entries of her husband Los’ blog (Raggamuffin Soul) about their adoption story has moved him also (check it out when you can)…but back to why I’m writing today…

Well today, Whittaker Woman blogged about spending a whoppin’ .25 cents at target today….SAY WHAT????  25 cents at Target…I am a Target-aholic and truly can’t make it out of that store without at least $25 bucks (and often times more) leaving my wallet.  So I wanted to see how she did it.  After taking some of her advice from her blog and scouring the blogs of a few others…I decided that I too wanted to be a quarter shopper.  I found quite a few great coupon deals on the web and it was time for my challenge.  Because I didn’t have the same coupons as the diva herself, I gave myself permission to spend ‘Three Dollars’ – the price of my favorite Starbucks drink. I pulled out my coupon binder and went to town…literally, I left the house and went to my Target feelin’ pretty confident.

Inside of My Coupon Binder

After looking at what my big deals were…I really only wanted to use offers where I could take advantage of coupon stacking.  (Don’t know what coupon stacking is…well check it out here….http://freebies4mom.blogspot.com/2008/01/coupon-tip-11-coupon-stacking.html)

When it was all said and done…here’s what I got for $3.05 (I know, I know…I’m a nickel over so shoot me already…smile):

• Huggies Wipes
• Dove Deodorant
• Pop Tarts
• 2 Snicker Bars
• Trial Size of Skintimate Shaving Cream
• Trial Size of Satin Care Shaving Cream
• Bottle of Fruit Water
• Honey Nut Cheerios Single Serving
• 2 Hallmark Cards
• Hallmark Date Book

Goodies I purchased from Target & Hallmark for $3.05

For those of you who know me, yes, you’re right, I don’t have babies anymore but the wipes are GREAT for when I’m droppin’ the boys off at school and just as I’m kissin’ them bye (I’m sorry high- fiving them bye…you know they’re in 3rd and 5th grade now so kisses at school are out the window), I realize they have breakfast crumbs all around their mouths.

As you can see, yes I have two Hallmark products.  Hallmark was in the same shopping center so I couldn’t pass up a coupon I got in the mail for a free 99 cent greeting card.  While I was there, I also got another free card…this one for Breast Cancer Awareness month.

Because I love a great find and LOVE Target even more, this was so much fun and like a treasure hunt. My honey also didn’t mind me shelling out the 3 bucks today.  The MOST DIFFICULT part of this challenge was staying on task while roaming free through the aisles of Target with no kiddies tuggin’ on my cart asking for new wrestling men or asking if we can go to the bathroom.  I really had to remind myself that I was on a mission.  Next time, I’ll be sure to carry cash only so that the temptation isn’t as great.  Thanks Whittaker Woman!

Remembering the First Day of School

All Dressed Up for School Pictures

I can remember the anticipation (and sometimes anxiety) of getting ready for the first day of school.  Because my mom died the same month that I was supposed to start school, it was a different kind of transition for me…in fact, she died on September 7th, her birthday was on September 26th, school started in September, and my 5th birthday was on October 4th.  By the time she died, there was so much uncertainty that happened within a month’s span.  My brother and I were separated soon after (the tragedy of a parent not having a written will) and my father was unable to care for me and my brother.  I went immediately to go live with my Aunt Grace and Uncle Ervin (who later became mom and dad).  My oldest cousin, Tara, was 5 and because I was turning 5 in October, the school tested me to see if they would allow me to skip Kindergarten and I did.  So as you can probably imagine, the first day of school was filled with much anxiety.  Here I was…almost 5, processing my mom’s absence, the separation of my brother and father, new family to live with, new state, and new school!  As I think about it now, I’m just in awe about how God kept me.  The amazing thing is that I don’t remember the struggles of my emotions during that first day of school but what I do remember about that first day and first year of school was being introduced to my new teacher, Ms. Kirkland, and my new friends at Mount Vernon Elementary.  I remember my teacher and classmates making me feel welcome even though classes had already started several weeks prior.  What I also remember during that time is my aunt being so specific and intentional in telling me “I’m not going to try to replace your mother.”  For so many years I have appreciated those words and her living up to never trying to replace my mom.  Instead, she has been a beautiful compliment to my birth mother.  The love and affection that she and my uncle showed me was unforgettable especially during this first year of school and learning to live without my immediate family.  While this first day of ever attending school was unforgettable there have been many more unforgettable moments of first days of school from 2nd grade through my senior year in high school….from wearing those classic Coca-Cola rugby shirts and Reebok classics to begging for my first pair of riding boots (do you remember that)?

So as I get my two little boys ready for their first day of school tomorrow, I’m excited about the memories that they will be creating about their very own first day of school….some good and some bad.

What about you?  What are some of your memories about any of your first days of school?

When Little Boys Pick Out Your Clothes

Okay…so I’m taking the boys by Toys R Us while we’re out doing some grocery shopping and I’m not quite dressed yet.  My 8-year old (Mekhi) comes in my office and says “Do you want me to pick out something for you to wear?”  This question is clearly provoked by the thought that he’s REALLY ready to get to the toy store.  Truly pondering what in the world he’ll pick out for me, I said “Sure”. Two minutes later, he walks in with a Sunday dress.  Now I get to go to Sam’s Club and Toys R Us all dressed up.  Can I get a fan, tambourine, and church lady hat somebody?

Oh mom....I said I'd help not take a pic with this dumb dress!

Still ‘IN LOVE’

My husband and I have been married for 11 years now and I am so happy to say that I am still sooo in love with him.  Now don’t get me wrong we’ve had what has felt like more than our share of challenges in our marriage from the very start.  We’ve struggled through having a blended family, financial challenges, balancing home/career, both or one of us not feeling loved and/or respected in the marriage, and a boatload of other things that you probably cannot even begin to imagine…or maybe you can because if you’re married, you may have your own challenges that the two of you have conquered/are conquering.

When I say I am still ‘in love’ with Tony, it has nothing to do with my emotions or butterflies when he comes into the room.  I’ve learned over the years, that my roller coaster of emotions can’t be trusted; they are as fickle as my moods and hormones!  Instead, me being ‘still in love’ is really about my commitment to him, God, and our marriage.  Me being still ‘in love’ with him also has nothing to do with what he does or in my eyes ‘doesn’t do’.  It has everything to do however with my commitment to Christ.

Just in case you’re not a Christian, give me just a moment to explain before you click me off.  These are my convictions and what I am held to as a believer.  You see, I believe that Jesus Christ is synonymous with Love.  As a believer, I believe that I am also in Christ.  So for me, when I say I am ‘IN LOVE’, it really has everything to do with me being ‘IN Christ’ and seeking to love others, especially my husband, with the same type of love that Christ illustrates…agape love.  Agape love being the type of love that is unconditional and not reciprocal.  This kind of ‘in love’ with my husband means that I see him through the eyes that Jesus Christ sees him.  It means that I seek to fully practice 1 Corinthians 13 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2013;&version=31;).  Paying special attention to verses 4-7 which states “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Every time I hear someone read this passage, especially at a wedding, I’m thinking in my mind…awwww….that is soooo nice.  Now let’s fast forward to days later (okay, well sometimes, hours later) into the real life of my marriage when things aren’t necessarily clicking on all cylinders in terms of us communicating well or meeting ‘expectations’ that we place on one another….now that’s a whole separate discussion.  In any case, it’s during these difficult times that I need and rely on God’s help to help me have that kind of love that is discussed in this chapter of 1 Corinthians 13.  I HAVE TO, it’s not an option, see my husband through the eyes of God.  When I pray and ask God to see my husband through His set of eyes, even after a disagreement or disappointment, it’s so much easier for me to be patient and kind because God is patient and kind with me.  In God’s eyes, it’s much more difficult for me to keep records of wrongs because God keeps no records of my wrongs when I ask for forgiveness.  I have tried it and know that it is impossible for me to have a successful marriage unless I am in Christ so that I can remain IN LOVE with my husband.

I don’t get it right 365 days a year, yet each day, I’m learning that marriage is LESS about me getting my way and MORE about me becoming and looking more like Christ.  So before you give up or call it quits, ask God what is He trying to teach you about becoming more like Him through your marriage.  To set the record straight, I deeply love my husband but I am finding that to have a lasting marriage, it is so much more important for me to be ‘IN LOVE’ with him, especially in the difficult times.

Check out this song by Fred Hammond:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NefC08-lf8E

Here are the lyrics…

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/fred-hammond-how-do-you-love-that-way-lyrics.html

What do you think is the most challenging thing about marriage?

Balancing Home: Checklist Chore Chart

I’m really a checklist kinda girl.  I love making lists and even better…I REALLY LOVE checking things off my list.  So today, I’m exceptionally excited about kicking off with my new Motivated Moms chore chart.  If you’re anything like me, I can’t stand housework.  If I could afford it in our budget, I’d really hire someone to do the cleaning and picking up at our house.   Well since the Jeffersons don’t live here and we’re not ‘movin on up’ –not just yet anyway, this little chore chart is just what the cleaning doctor ordered.

Check out the description of this easy system:

Motivated Moms is a great idea for anyone that would like an easy system to help them to know what to do each day.  Just consult the list, do the work, check it off for the day and enjoy your free time!

It really is that simple!  Check out today’s chore list below!

Tomorrow’s even better because I’m taking some of the items on the list and putting sticky notes on the boys’ bedroom doors for the chores they need to complete from the list.  How do you divide up the chores at your home or are you a do it all yourself kinda superwoman?

Sample of Today's Chore Checklist from Motivated Moms

Toolbox (Bookcases & Toolkits)

Bookcase: The Finished Product!

So today’s accomplishment was putting together a 5-shelf bookcase for work. My husband’s thinking is since it’s for work, why not just get somebody else to put it together? Now that’s quite true but he also understands that I LOVE putting stuff together. Perhaps it’s in my blood….my dad was great in the construction business as was my granddad…many moons ago, our family owned a family construction company in Alexandria, VA. My brother, Mike, is an all around handy man. Because I love to research and figure out how things work, I think that fits into the puzzle too!

This particular bookcase is straight-forward and took about 45 minutes to complete…perhaps because I’ve put together 4 others like this before. It’s from Target’s Home line and is in the espresso finish.

My baby in doing all of this is not my husband (sorry honey) but it’s my first ever ‘real’ tool set…my Black & Decker 3-compartment power drill toolkit. As a beginner DIY-er, this set is AWESOME! You’ll definitely see it in many more of my home project jobs.

Until next time ladies, remember, you can do it if you put your mind to it! What projects are you getting into or would like to get into at home?